Getting to Know Me
My personal journey with mindfulness started a couple years after my second was born. My children are, to put it mildly, very spirited with very big emotions. I've always dreamed of being this really present fun-loving parent, and it just hit me one day, "oh my gosh, I don't even know how to be around my kids." Their big emotions were (read: "are" - let's be honest here...) really triggering for me, and I felt so out of control with their boundless energy and very strong wills.
That was a real turning point, realizing how far I was from being the parent that I envisioned.
I started learning about mindfulness in a course I took for my own self-growth. The instructor spent a significant amount of time speaking on the power of being mindful, and I was hooked.
My mindfulness practice opened up this incredible awareness to my inner world, and I started noticing real changes in my ability to be present not only with my family, but also with myself.
I went on to take different personal and professional courses in mindfulness to both deepen my own practice, as well as to start teaching others how to bring more presence into their lives.
My main focus during those years was on using mindfulness with parenting, particularly for spirited, highly sensitive children. In 2021, my world was turned upside down with the loss of our daughter, one of our twins, during the third trimester of my pregnancy.
My birth was an impossible mix of emotions. Grieving our precious daughter, while celebrating the life of our sweet surviving son, coupled with the anxiety of him being in the NICU.
It felt impossible to be present with those deeply vast feelings of sadness and grief, and it took many months to gently start bringing mindfulness back into my life.
Grief lends itself to the ultimate struggle between two worlds, one of intense pain and loss, and the other of meaning and joy. My own journey has led me to hold space for both deep feelings of sadness and grief, while also appreciating the beauty and joy of life.
A quote I love is: "Being able to sit in meaninglessness without losing a basic belief in meaning, it's a little bit tricky to do. But I think to have a worldview that says, 'At my core I believe that life is meaningful. I don't see it right now. I can't grasp it right now, but I believe that eventually I will." —Sherry Walling, PhD
It’s not uncommon for us to have an identity crisis when we become mothers. Where we forget who we are as a person and what brings meaning into our lives. For some, it may even be the first time you’ve had these deeper conversations with yourself.
The thought of bringing meaning into our lives might be completely foreign and overwhelming, especially if we have a lot going on. Gently reminding ourselves that life is inherently meaningful, even if we can’t feel it now, even if it seems impossible to obtain, is remarkably self-compassionate.
My intention is to bring meaning and authenticity into how I'm living my life, and to be able to share that sincerity with all of you.